The Ask: How to Ask for Help, Permission, or Acknowledgement as a Leader
In leadership, one of the most underestimated yet crucial skills is the ability to ask for help, permission, or acknowledgment. These tough conversations, known as "The Ask," form a cornerstone of my proprietary framework, "Five Tough Talks," designed to elevate leaders and teams to exceptional standards of performance and communication.
Despite its simplicity, “The Ask” remains a consistent challenge, particularly for leaders. Let's explore why this is the case and how to master it with confidence and effectiveness.
The Challenge of The Ask
Asking for help seems straightforward, but a study by OnePoll reveals that only 1 in 4 Americans are willing to seek assistance before starting something new. Many wait until they are overwhelmed, and 53% feel held back from achieving their goals because they try to do everything alone. For leaders, this challenge is magnified. Leaders often feel they should have all the answers and may view asking for help as a sign of weakness.
Types of Asks:
Asking for Help: Admitting you need assistance and deciding who to ask can be daunting. Leaders might hesitate to ask their team for help, fearing it undermines their authority.
Asking for Permission: This ask involves a perceived loss of control. However, seeking permission is not about submitting to authority but showing respect for a relationship.
Asking for Acknowledgment: Here, you seek to understand and be understood. It's not about persuading others to agree with you but about having your perspective acknowledged or having someone else acknowledge their behavior and the results it creates.
Positioning The Ask: Be BRAVE
To navigate The Ask successfully, position your request to maximize the chance of acceptance. Use the BRAVE approach:
B—Background Information: Provide context. Offer two or three key points to set the stage without overwhelming the other person.
R—Research-Based Case: Present facts and data to support your ask. Having written information can be particularly persuasive.
A—Advocate and Make the Ask: Approach the conversation with confidence, assertiveness, and positivity. Keep your ask concise—one sentence, 5-7 words total.
V—Voice is quiet, trust the silence: Too many people make the ask and then keep talking. They hem, haw, dilute the ask, or change it. Even worse, they apologize. Never diminish your ask. Once you’ve made it, quiet your voice and keep silent while you wait for a response.
E—End with action: Don’t leave the conversation without aligning on next steps even if it is to continue the conversation later, and agree on when that will be.
Leading a Brave Conversation
It's time to put these strategies into practice. Think of someone you need to have “The Ask” conversation with—an employee, a spouse, or a friend. For instance, you might ask your spouse to help plan the next family vacation, dividing tasks to ensure a smooth trip. Or, you might ask a coworker to acknowledge and address their habit of interrupting you during work.
Remember, bravery in leadership involves more than making tough decisions; it’s about engaging in tough conversations with courage and clarity. Embrace “The Ask” as a powerful tool to foster collaboration, respect, and mutual understanding.
By mastering “The Ask”, you empower yourself and those around you to achieve greater heights together. So, step into your role as a brave leader and transform these tough talks into opportunities for exceptional results.