The Five Tough Talks All Leaders Need to Have with Their Teams for Exceptional Results
Nobody enjoys having a tough talk. They're uncomfortable, awkward, and often heated. Yet, these conversations are necessary in both your personal and professional life. It's time for a tough conversation about tough conversations.
In all honesty, you're probably not great at them. The reason you struggle with tough talks is that you don’t practice them, which is the result of not knowing how to do them effectively. Tough talks are necessary to elicit change and must be impactful to achieve results. What stops you from having these conversations is fear:
How will my conversation be received?
Can I make it clear and concise?
Will it make sense?
Will I be able to act on the promises made?
How will the conversation affect others?
Will the conversation lead to a change for the better or will it be worse?
The fear of regret is paralyzing. If you’ve had a tough talk that didn’t achieve the result you needed, it’s easy to assume you will have the same outcome again. But the fear of regret should outweigh the fear of not having the conversation. It’s okay to fear a difficult conversation. All you need are the tools and practice to help work through that fear.
Think of the opportunities you might be missing by not having that conversation. When you make assumptions and allow conversations to sit and swirl in your head, you waste time. Timeliness is critical when you need to lead a tough conversation. Otherwise, you risk weakening its impact. Tough talks must happen when they arise.
Michael Bungay Stanier, author of The Coaching Habit, uses the analogy that waiting to have a tough conversation is like letting a stain set into your laundry: “If you wait too long, the stain sets, and even with treatments, it never quite goes away. If you have an inkling you should have a conversation, it probably means you should have the conversation—not, ‘I wonder if I should have had a conversation.’ Treat the stain early.”
The Five Tough Talks
As an executive for 16 years with two Fortune 300 companies and an executive coach for over 11 years, I’ve had countless tough talks. One of the reasons I’m hired is to work with organizations whose leaders have decided their teams need to perform better. What those individuals really needed was for their leader to have had a tough conversation with them months earlier. It would have prevented the need to bring me in as a consultant in the first place.
Now, my focus is teaching leaders how to turn a tough talk into a brave conversation. I help them understand each type of tough talk and how to prepare, practice, and process before and after. The results are greater confidence, increased productivity, and a positive culture for the team and the organization.
If you are a leader who struggles or avoids difficult conversations, the Five Tough Talks will become your playbook for every difficult communication dynamic you have to navigate in your professional and personal life.
Here’s an overview of the Five Tough Talks all leaders need to master for exceptional results:
How We Work: During this conversation, a leader intentionally makes an agreement for how to best work together. They state their expectations and ask what is expected of them. The parties align on the rules, routines, and rhythms needed to work together and perform at their best. It sounds like an easy conversation to have, but unfortunately, most leaders skip this foundational step.
The Ask: During this conversation, a leader states that they need help, permission, or acknowledgement from the other person. Leaders are considered experts, so it can be difficult for them to ask for something even when it is necessary.
What’s Going On?: This conversation is an exploration into a change or shift in someone’s behavior, performance, or relationship. It usually occurs in one area, such as routinely arriving late for work or delayed responses to emails. When you notice a change in a particular behavior, don’t ignore it—take the time to be curious about what’s going on by having this conversation.
Being Better: This conversation confronts an issue related to behavior or performance that has become a pattern. As a leader, you need to shine a light on the issue and guide the person out of the situation so they can become better.
Moving On: This conversation acknowledges that things aren’t working, and you must determine a new path forward. This is the toughest conversation to have because it is always a departure conversation—not necessarily a departure from the company but more often a departure from either a position, project, or relationship.
Conclusion
The How We Work, The Ask, and What’s Going On? conversations are easier to have than the Being Better and Moving On conversations. By investing time in the first three, the other two will become easier and less frequent.
Bolder conversations equal stronger connections. When leaders embrace the Five Tough Talks with bravery they turn them into opportunities for growth and exceptional results and emerge stronger, braver, and more resilient than ever before.